Fat, Freak Outs and my Paul Hewson Daze

So last time I posted I was getting ready to go see U2 and wear a sparkly top so my lover Bono could see me and carry me off somewhere (the fantasy gets hazy after that...). Anyway, when I went home that day to change into my sparkly top I had a grand mal hissy fit because I LOOKED FAT. Never mind that I had stood in the J.Crew dressing room the day I bought it for like 10 minutes admiring myself, last Thursday at 6:00PM every roll and muffin top was highlighted like a an old college textbook.

I eventually got my shit together and found clothes, but I hate having these episodes. I'm sure everyone goes through them, but honestly I didn't get so crazy when I was hugely fat because I never had an expectations that I would look good. Now I think I have huge reverse body dysmorphic disorder and expect to see a much thinner person than I am.

So now I am in my official "U2 daze" which is the classic condition of just generally being happy for about 2 weeks after a show(Rick loves it), it can be longer if I have really good seats. I won't bore you with details because if you care you already know they are awesome and if you don't, you don't(but maybe you should re-evaluate your life). I will just say that I am a very quiet, reserved person, so I often catch people off guard when I go ape shit at a U2 concert. This time I warned a nice guy who brought his maybe 10/11 year old son to the show(how sweet) who was sitting next to us that I might frighten the child when I start screaming like a 12 year old girl seeing Justin Beiber when Bono appears(it seemed only fair). I really think screaming and singing at the top of your lungs for 2 hours is amazingly cathartic. It's so rare I can 100% forget all my troubles and feel like a teenager again. Thanks boys!

Stupid Blogger

So I wrote a post at about 8 pm last night and its on my blog, but never showed up in the dashboard or Google reader. It had the winner of the Zone Bar contest do if you entered please see the missing post below.
I'm going to see my lover Bono in concert tonight. I'm so excited- I've seen U2 many times in concert and they are always great. I bought a really sparkle tank top from J Crew to wear. I need to sparkle so he can see me, our seats are so bad. Maybe I'll post a pic if I have time. It's definitely not something I would have worn at 279 pounds.

The Zone Bar Zone Winner Is..... (and other stuff)

The winner of the Zone Bar samples is commenter #8 - KRISTEN!!! Kristen email me with your address and I'll get them to you.

I had a Dr. appointment with my surgeon on the 13th - it went OK. I didn't get a fill - she wants me to have an upper GI first. If that looks OK, she will give me one. There's no worry on my part that I have issues, but I'm 2 years old and have an almost full band, so she'd like to just get a check. I don't dislike my surgeon, but she's a surgeon and kind of dry - I miss old NP, but I need to get over it. I am planning on getting an upper GI next week just to see and of course I've been crazy tight since the appointment.


I'm not sure how many of you follow Bunny, but she had a great post today quoting a veteran bandster (8 years out) that she found in a FB suport group. Check it out if you have time it's a great list of band lesson's she learned.

ZonePerfect Review and Giveaway

Last year part of my BOOB’s planning committee responsibilities was requesting donations for our gift bags and because of that I often to try new products from the great companies that donated. I was lucky enough to get samples of new ZonePerfect Sweet and Salty bars and wanted to review them.

 

The bars come in two flavors, Cashew Pretzel and Trail Mix. I have to say that I really like these bars because they can curb a sweet tooth when the urge strikes and still give you a good source of protein. I like both flavors – the Trail Mix is more like a chewy granola type bar, but more substantial and the Cashew Pretzel has a cashew butter (almost peanut butter) taste to it – plus it has pretzels, so it’s my favorite!They do have less protein than a standard Zone bar (which are a go to food for me), but they are a good change of pace for me.

 

For me the bars are very filling and ¾ to a full bar is a great breakfast. If you are burnt out on protein bars (which does happen to me), give these a try.

 

Now for fun – if want to try them, leave a comment below and I’ll a pick a random winner to send a few to. The only caveat is you must be a follower of my blog to win.

 

You can also go to www.facebook.com/zoneperfect to request a free bar to try.

Some thoughts on fills...

This always happens – I must have a dozen posts where right before I'm scheduled to get a fill I think I don't need it. I know you're saying – you couldn't have a dozen posts, that's a lot of fills, but if you've ever read my blog from the beginning you'll know I got a lot of fills. You don't get to 9.75 cc's without many visits. Anyway, I have an appointment scheduled for Monday – kind of a 2 year check up and hopefully a little drop of fill. I feel pretty good about my level, but the last month or two I felt like I could use a tweak (like .10 cc's). Of course it's been hot as crap here and that affects how tight I am and I had strep last week and that does too. I'm going to see if she's willing to give me one and go from there. If she is I think I'll take a small one – the worst thing would be that I have to go back in for an unfill, but I don't think I will.

 

So as someone who obviously took a long time to reach restriction, I thought I'd give some of my thoughts on fills and what worked for me. I know it's all part of the process, but I get down when I read people who want to give up because they don't have the right fill level. So here are some musings of mine about the process based on my experience, others may whole heartily disagree because none of us experience the same thing with the band.

 

Find a Dr. or NP that really listens to you when you are building up to restriction. This was key for me, my NP was very supportive and trusted me when I would go in with 6 or 7 cc's and say "I feel nothing". We talked a lot and she gave me a lot of big girl fills always with the caveat of "call immediately if you have problems". If I had a Dr. that I had to beg for every fill (like I know some do) I would have given up.

 

If you're struggling with weight loss - evaluate your fill level. The band is not made to keep you from eating - you're still in control, but small fills can really make a difference. I felt some restriction after I hit 8 cc's, but I knew I wasn't close to the mystical "sweet spot" that everyone talked about. I kept going in for small fills and finally hit my magic number – 9.75cc's. My last fill was April 2010 – it was a .25 cc and I've been good since.

 

I know some people are way more sensitive to fills then I am, so I am in no way advocate putting yourself in danger of being overfilled. It is miserable and unhealthy. A day of two of liquids or mushies is OK after a fill, but if you can't eat solids, get a unfill.

 

Try to find out before you have any issues what your office's philosophy is on unfills. Some offices seem fine with people coming in to get small unfills, but some Dr.'s will do a complete unfill if you come in with a problem. It's their prerogative and I'm sure can change on a case by case basis, but if you know you'll be more mentally prepared for what may happen.

Realize that what is perfect for you, may not be for others. I used to beat myself up a lot because I could always eat a cup or more of food and I would read people's blogs saying a half a cup filled them up or two bites of banana would carry them through a morning. What I finally got was that I was losing and successful and if I can eat a cup of food vs. a half a cup that's OK.

 

I don't think any of this is earth shattering to most of us, but I think lately I post more about life in general than band related stuff, so it's good to talk about basics sometimes.

 

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Guess what I forgot?

I got an email from obesity help the other day wishing me happy bandiversary. Wow, I can't believe I forgot and Wow, it's been 2 years. Last year I was so obsessed with hitting a certain goal by my 1 year anniversary that June 5th was etched in my head.
I guess it's good I forgot, it means I'm living my life. On the other hand, I have been really down and struggling about why I can't mentally get past whatever it is that's stopping me from hitting goal. I kind of think I need to focus on these last pounds more intensely than the first.

I'm not going to focus on what I haven't accomplished, but what I have in the last two years:
I've lost 111 pounds!!
I wear skirts and non-Mom bathing suits in public now
I've met tons of new friends (you all)
I've gained self worth and confidence
I can shop anywhere now
I can walk and run in public without being embarrassed
So many other things...

Last but not least we had Cate's ballet recital a few weeks ago and I can never resist a good collage. 2009's was a week before surgery.