My First Post ...

was one year ago today. It was not exactly exciting, but it really changed my life almost as much as surgery. I NEVER thought I'd become so involved in this blogging community and had no idea how much the support would help me through the tough times. I certainly never thought I'd be flying half way across the country to meet a bunch of you amazing women. So thanks for all the support!

That makes my 1 year anniversary one week away. It's so hard to believe, but time really does fly. I'm down to 193 so I'd really love to be 189 by then because that would be 90 since surgery, but 5 pounds after a pretty good weight loss (3 pounds)this week seems a bit too much to hope for. For some reason I am super tight (maybe TOM) and have pissed off my little band with a hamburger patty yesterday, so I'm restricting  mushies  for awhile. Maybe that will get me into the 180's faster.

I hope everyone has a great weekend! I have a busy week coming up so I'm not sure how much I'll post, but a may do a rare VLOG on my anniversary (we'll see how my hair looks).

BYOC

1.  If you could be a flower, which one would it be and why?

Not my favorite flower, but I’d have to say Stock. I know it’s kind of weird to pick, but Stock is pretty and feminine yet it’s used by florists to fill out and strengthen arrangements. So in many areas of my life, that’s like me – I’m not the super star (like a Rose or Lily), but I’m strong and supportive. And hopefully like Stock, I’ll outlast all the superstars as long as I have water. :)

2.  Which Sex and The City Character do you most relate to? (Thanks Jenny)

Hmmmm… I think a combination, but if I had to pick one I’d say Miranda. I’d like to be Carrie, but I’m not that confident. I think Miranda is probably the most real character because she is successful in many ways, but still struggles with insecurity.

3.  If you had a crystal ball or could know one thing about the future - what would it be?
I would pass on this – too scary


4.  What's your biggest fear in your weight loss journey?

I believe that I will get to my goal, but I’m scared I won’t be able to maintain.

5.  Repeat question:  Whose blog or comment spoke to you the most this week and why?

There were a lot posts about relationship changes, they were all interesting and thought provoking. Maybe I’ll chime in on that one soon.

Have a good weekend!  

Where are their bat wings?????

Last night my husband and I were watching a DVR shortened version of the Biggest Loser finale (don't you love DVR's? You can fast forward through the crappy stuff). During the at home people's weigh-ins we had this discussion:
Me: "Where are these women's bat wings? They lost a ton in no time and have no wings"
Him: "What the fuck are you talking about?"
Me: "The loose skin on their arms - that's what we call them bat wings" (then I shake my at him and maybe scar him for life)
Him: " oh, that's funny - must be the weights they use"

So seriously- do any of you do hard core upper body work with weights? It must help with the skin because Ashley the one finalist lost like 160 pounds in a very short time and had no where near the disgusting arms I have. And to fight the age of your skin factor, her Mom lost a ton too and her arms looked good. So I'm seriously thinking of using some hand weights to see if it helps.

What are your experiences with skin & muscle tone so far?

Reboot

Yesterday I sent in my final numbers for the Swimsuit Challenge. I lost exactly 10 pounds in about 2 months - not so stellar. I know 5 pounds a month is nothing to sneeze at, but I feel like I've hit a wall or maybe some complacency. I've bounced between 198-195 for the last 3 weeks. I think if I glance at what I've been doing I'd say that I haven't changed much lately. I have no off limit foods, but obviously I try to go for healthy proteins. If I really dig deeper I think I've let a few little things creep in that may be slowing me down.
So I'm not going to say that I'm going to be strict or diet because that doesn't work, but the band does work for me. So I have a few things I'm going to watch and change the next few weeks and see what happens. I don't really think I need a fill, but if in two weeks I still feel a little unfocused I may get a little drop.

So here's my list of what I need to watch/try:

Exercise - I suck at this! God knows how many messages I've left for you all that are running and zumba-ing and everything else saying "I wish I would do that". So I don't have to climb Mt. Everest, but my goal the next two weeks is to fit in 2 - 30 minute sessions a week. I know that's not much, but baby steps.

Snacking - I know I've been snacking more in the afternoons and evenings. Sometimes it's not even food, it's a latte every evening (and a piece of Lindt Sea Salt Dark Chocolate-sooo good)

Water - I've never gotten all my water everyday, but I'm going to try to drink 40 oz at work everyday that should be a start.

I am not struggling, because I feel like at this point I know what works. I just  think that since I'm coming up on my year anniversary in 2 two weeks I'm questioning/being introspective. I'm certainly not questioning the success of the band, because I'm so happy with what I've achieved, but I would really like to reach my goal weight by the end of the year and I want to make sure I'm setting realistic expectations.

Sorry for the bit of the ramble  - I'm tired from staying up late to watch Lost (yes, I'm an old woman).
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Amy & Janelle - shot me an email with your address at lindasbandwidth (at) gmail.com and I'll send out those dresses. Bonnie - I'll add that suit to the bag of stuff I have for you and we can meet up soon.

A little sisterhood

Hi everybody! I'm forcing myself to really clean out my closets and vowed by the end of June I will have nothing in my house that doesn't fit me. So here are items up for grab - I'll have more to come in the next few weeks, but I thought I'd post these while I have the chance. Let me know if you want anything.
Also - Amanda I finally got your package together and I'll send it tomorrow.

Lands End Tankini - top & skirt. The top is a 24/bottom 22(not sure why).

Old Navy XL Knit Halter Dress (got this from Gen)

Lane Bryant 18/20 Wrap Top Sleeveless Dress. This is very pretty and dressy. I wore it to several weddings with a wrap.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ok- I have to finish my cleaning for the day so I can totally veg out tonight and watch "Lost".

Happy News on Friday...

My Hubby got approved for LB surgery! Yea! He's very calm about the whole thing (which is slightly irritating to me).

The weird thing is my original surgeon was Dr. Steele, but she went out on maternity leave before my surgery so then I got transferred to Dr. Lidor. So when he went to his original appointment he got Dr. Steele and he came home and said "she's pregnant again so who knows". When he called United Healthcare today they couldn't find the approval info under Dr. Steele, so they go "there's something here under Dr. Lidor". Anyway they transferred him to Lidor too while Steele's out on leave again. I told him it was good luck since mine went so well. Isn't that weird though since they have 5 surgeons?

 

Happy weekend everyone!!

BYOC

1. If you had 3 wishes what would they be and why?  (you can't wish for more wishes or money!)
   
   An end to extreme poverty around the world. It breaks my heart that people go to bed hungry every night.

A cure for Cancer & AIDS

That my Mom & Dad could sell their house in Iowa (it's been on the market for almost 2 yeasrs) so they can come live near me

                      

2.  If you had all the money in the world and perfect circumstances - how many children would you have and what sex?

I have a 5 year old girl – I think with no monetary restrictions I'd have twins(a boy & girl). That way I could limit the actual amount of time pregnant.

3.  Have you ever faked it?  (Because I need to laugh...feel free to skip this one if it's too personal.)

No – I generally don't need to now. Back in my younger days, if it didn't happen, it didn't happen – seems like a lot of trouble to fake it.

4.  What movie character do you think you look like?

Lara Croft – just kidding!! (well maybe the boobs)  I don't really think I look like a movie character  

5.  Repeat question.  Which blog or comment spoke to you or stuck with you this week and why?

 

Brooke's vlog

No Wonder We're so F'ed Up

I saw this ad on another blog (non-band related), as a Mother of a little girl it really hit home.

Check it out:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ei6JvK0W60I&feature=player_embedded

I'm nice I swear!

Uggh - what a day. I am having what I know is going to be a hell week at work and had a very moody grumpy day. I had a coupon for a free milk shake at Chick-fil-a that I fully intended to use on my way home tonight (secret eating), but it was so freaking cold and rainy here I didn't want it.
Yesterday I was lucky enough to meet up with Bonnie for dinner and had a great time. We're going to be roomies in Chicago and live about an hour and 1/2 from each other. We had a really good time and of course gossiped about all our blog buddies (all good of course) and how much support we get. I wanted to post a picture, but the picture Gods were against us and after about 15 tries on both our phones we gave up. The best one is below.

Speaking of pictures, Bonnie mentioned (over her Cosmo and my agave Margarita) that she thought the picture on my blog was maybe, well.... a little bitchy looking. This was told to me with affection and relief I'm sure on her part that I'm pretty nice in person. So in honor of my roomie I'm going to change my picture. So tell me which you like the best (or if you like the bitchy one):

#1

#2

#3

I guess I'm a Large???

I had errands to run today which included running to a local Mall to exchange something I bought for Cate. They have a Saks Off 5th store there (which is a Saks 5th Avenue outlet)and they had 20% your purchase, so I HAD to go in. Now in the past I never looked at the clothes because real designer clothes run smaller than normal, I just went to shop for shoes and bags. Today I thought there might be something that worked. I found a pair or Eileen Fisher pants on the clearance rack - since I'm desperate for pants and thought I'd try them, but they were only marked Large (that could have meant anything from 10-14) and they aren't knit so I had no idea if they would work. I also tried on a strapless C&C California maxi dress.
The pants fit!! And wait for it....they were $11.97!! Originally $130.
The dress was so cute but I didn't think I liked it enough to pay $90 dollars for it just for lounging and the pool - I might go back and get it. I just have a feeling a could get a similar dress at H&M or Old Navy for like 20 bucks.

So I'm excited about my super pant bargain. I have a grainy dressing room photo to document the occasion. Unlike Gen my camera is not skinny because the pants looked better than the picture.

Have lovely rest of the weekend. I get to meet Bonnie tomorrow for dinner so I have something to look forward to on Monday!

BYOC - Now with Pictures!

1. If you could be a cartoon character – who would you be and why?
I would be Buttercup from the Powerpuff Girls. She kicks ass and has cute hair.
I've been trying incorporate more Buttercup attitude into my life lately.


2. Who was your teenage heart throb? (Thanks Fiona for this one)
Anyone want to guess? Starts with a B, ends with an O.





Also I think I was ahead of the trend because I had a huge crush on George Clooney when he was on The Facts of Life.



Is is odd that I never got over these crushes? I mean they are always top 2 on my "allowed to" list. Do guys have these lists with your partners?


3. Do you believe being overweight is about a mental obstacle or do you believe it’s simply about overeating/food?

For me it's mental - I'm not just a " I eat a lot person". I abuse food, I become obsessed with food. It's a my drug, my lover, my best friend and obviously my enemy.
I'm trying to break the cycle of bingeing/guilt, but it's work.



4. What’s your all-time favorite song?

I am a huge music person - I associate songs with every time in my life, so I can't pick just one.
I'd say my top five six in random order (right now) are:

London Calling - The Clash
The Angels Want Wear My Red Shoes - Elvis Costello
It Ain't Me Babe - Johnny & June Carter Cash
Bad - U2
Come On Eileen - Dexy's Midnight Runners
Your Song - Elton John



5. Whose blog or comment spoke to you/stuck with you this week and why? This is our “you get to be famous for a moment” without having to follow all the rules of an official blog award question.
Jacquie's blog was very sobering and hard to for me to stop thinking about. My thoughts go out to her.

Allergan Education Campaign

Did anyone else get this email from Allergan today? I thought it was an interesting campaign, use the links below to check it out.
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Today, Allergan launched an educational campaign called C.H.O.I.C.E. (Choosing Health over Obesity Inspiring Change through Empowerment). This national campaign is designed to help address the adult obesity epidemic by creating a platform for LAP-BAND® System patients, consumers, healthcare professionals and Congress to work together to address the obesity epidemic through a dual focus on prevention and treatment and an acceptance of all treatments, including weight-loss surgery for those 100 pounds or more overweight. The campaign also aims to dispel the misperception that obesity is a personal choice resulting from poor lifestyle and eating habits – it is a disease that requires the same level of attention as other medical conditions, such as heart disease and diabetes.

We hope that you will get involved with this obesity awareness campaign, and share the news with your family, friends and colleagues. Additionally, if you blog or have an online presence, we hope you will share the news with your online readers. Beginning today.

In the meantime, there are three ways you can get involved with C.H.O.I.C.E.

1. Enter the Voice My C.H.O.I.C.E. Contest Program

This contest is for LAP-BAND® System patients. To enter the contest, which runs from May 12 through July 27, simply submit a short essay or video at www.LapbandChoiceContest.com about your weight-loss journey and how your choice to overcome your struggle with weight has changed your life. Twelve winners will be given the opportunity to go on a 3-day/2-night trip to Washington, D.C. in September to share their personal stories with legislators and media. Allergan, Inc., will cover travel-related expenses for winners and a guest. More information regarding the contest, including rules and eligibility, can be accessed at www.LapbandChoiceContest.com.

2. Sign our Petition to Congress

Sign the online petition to Congress at www.mychoicecampaign.com to tell Congress it’s time to recognize obesity as a disease, NOT a choice, to focus on prevention and treatment, and to accept all treatments, including weight-loss surgery for those 100 pounds or more overweight. The petition will be delivered to legislators in September by the winners of our contest. We need your support to reach our goal of 250,000 signatures – that’s one signature for every dollar that Allergan, Inc., will donate to The George Washington University School of Public Health and Health Services’ Department of Health to support research on obesity through the Strategies to Overcome and Prevent (STOP) Obesity Alliance. The STOP Obesity Alliance is helping to change how we perceive and approach the problem of obesity, overweight, and weight-related health risks, including heart disease and diabetes.

3. Join our Facebook Cause Page and Follow us on Twitter

Join the campaign Cause page on Facebook – www.mychoicecampaign.com/facebook – and follow updates on the campaign on Twitter @CHOICEcampaign. Social media tools – including banners, icons, wallpapers, links to the campaign and contest Web sites, Facebook Cause page and Twitter page, and messages for social media sites – are available at www.mychoicecampaign.com to help you spread the word about the campaign and encourage your friends to join our movement.

We’d love to hear from you and if you plan to help us spread the word on this campaign! Please let us know if you have any questions and we’ll be in touch with you soon.

The Magical Pants and Other Things

First of all I wanted to say that I was just devastated when I read Jacquie's post this morning. My heart truly goes out to her and her family. I can not imagine…

 

I almost wasn't going to post this because I thought when we know these terrible things happen to people is right to carry on with frivolity? Of course everyday terrible things happen while we are living our lives and trying things will happen at all of us. We must make the most of the time we've got.

 

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So I've had some movement on the scale the last couple of days - down to 196. I know I will regret putting this in black and white but my restriction is really good right now. Not sure if it's because of swelling from my stuck episode Saturday or if my stuck episode came from increased restriction. Either way I'm good with it.

 

I have no pants to wear right now and I must be complaining a lot because when I was at my sisters over the weekend, she gave me a pair of capris from Chico's that she bought last year but never wore. I picked them up all excited – but they were really small. So I said these are super small and Chico's has weird sizing – it was a 1.5( I never go to Chico's) these must be a 12 maybe? She said yea probably because they were a little big on me (my sister is a classic apple so while she weighs in the 180's she always small on the bottom). So I take them home and figure they'll be my end of summer near goal (hopefully) pants. I looked on the Chico's website at their size chart and they're a freaking 10!

Hopefully you can see the chart below (if not I'll update it later when I'm home).Here's the link also:

http://www.chicos.com/store/page.jsp?id=45

 

 

So I can't have clothes in my house without trying them on – I put them on last night and they buttoned!!! Now, I would never wear them out of the house because I was walking like Frankenstein and couldn't breathe well, but they buttoned. I am in no way saying I can wear a 10, because sometimes I still can't quite fit a 14, but they were so tiny when I looked at them, that the fact they could button around me is amazing (they were only 2% spandex), I MF'n heart this band.

 

 

I know I mentioned a few months ago that my hubby was thinking of getting the band after losing a lot on his own and then regaining some. Well he's been plowing through the requirements and hopefully they will submit to insurance on Monday! They are using his 2 years of documented Daily Plate records instead of a 6 month diet because United Healthcare allows that – lucky him. Hopefully it will go through OK. I'm so excited for him, but he's getting nervous. Did anyone have United Healthcare? How long did it take them to make a decision? I had Aetna and they approved me in 48 hours, so I'm hoping for the same.

A sweet thing was that because United Healthcare was the first to cover the sleeve, he had that as an option. We talked about it a lot because the sleeve does seem to be a good combination of the band and RNY, but in the end he opted for the band so "he could do it with me" (minds out of gutter please, he already does that).  

Anyway fingers crossed for Rick – I'll keep you updated.

Have a good Wednesday Everyone!

Mothers Day Miracle

No - I have not lost any weight (that would be a miracle). Yesterday, after 11 months of being banded I had my first really bad stuck episode. It was a really normal food day. Cate and I went shopping with my sister and stopped at Panera for lunch. I had black bean soup and half a sandwich. I ate the soup and took the sandwich home along with a small bag of chips that come with it. After shopping, it was about 6:00pm and I opened my chips driving home and shared them with Cate. I've never had a problem with chips or any sliders like that, but about 5 minutes after eating them I knew I had a problem. I knew I wasn't going to PB (because I don't - wish I could have), so I was hoping it would just work it's way through. My drive home was about 45 minutes and it was getting bad - I knew sitting in the car wasn't helping. My husbands work was on the way home. He runs a wine shop and works most Saturdays - so I told Cate we're going to visit Daddy (never mind he was getting ready to leave). I ran in there all red faced and went back to his office - I'm sure I looked crazy to everyone else working there. I walked around a bit, tried to get something to come up(no luck). I felt a little better so we went home after I stopped at Harris Teeter and got some soup. It was a rough night - I took some pineapple/papaya enzymes and had some broth from my soup.

So cut to this morning when my beautiful 5 year old (and sweet hubby) bring me breakfast in bed. My first thought of course is I rarely eat anything before 9:30 and after last night??? So I looked it those big, beautiful eyes of hers and said a little a prayer that I could eat a few bites of the poached egg. Miraculously, I did and it was the best breakfast ever.

Could you say "No" to this girl?

I hope everyone has a wonderful Mothers Day!

Hmmm...

Warning – this post kind of took off in a weird direction and I just let it go.

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I'm blah. I'm not posting much lately so I thought I would share my blah-ness. I haven't lost much since 2 weeks ago when I busted into the 100's. I've been hovering at 197.5-198 for a week and 1/2. It's my TOM so I usually get a little loss right after that – fingers crossed.

I just found out my Mom and Dad (who have been at my sisters houses in Virginia since last week) are coming to our house tomorrow(not Thursday as planned) so I have tons of cleaning to do tonight (before Lost). Our guest bedroom is really the guest bedroom/playroom/clothes that are too big for Linda storage area. So basically it's full of pink princess toys and about 6 pair of size 20 jeans(anyone need some??). Does anyone else have a neat freak Mom? It's a lot of pressure, I don't go crazy for her like I used to ( I am not a slob, but my house is lived in) and I don't get offended when I come home from work and she and my Dad have swept and moped my floors. It's just how she is and I love her.

I hadn't seen my parents since Christmas, so I saw them Saturday at my nephew's 1st Communion. I think in that time I went from pleasantly plump to kind of normal looking, so my Mom was happy. I know I've talked about my Mom before – she's heavy and has battled her weight her whole life. I know she is happy I did this and a little sad that she did have this available to her when she was younger. I must have seen my Mom lose 70 – 100 pounds 5 or 6 times in my life and at 70 she's probably at her heaviest. I know she's been trying but she says the weight doesn't come off like it used to and I'm sure at this point 50+ years of yo-yo dieting has wrecked her metabolism. It's a hard situation because I know the struggle and I pray that when I'm her age what I've chosen to do now (getting the band) will have made it a non issue for me.

It's strange right now because I would never blame my Mom for me being fat (anymore than she would blame her Mom), but I know I learned bad habits and comfort eating from her. Yet I can't point the finger because she raised 4 children and I am the only one who has a huge weight problem. Why did they escape and not me? Some of it I'm sure is that I was alone growing up and they had each other as built in playmates (I am 8-10 years younger). I sat home and watched TV and ate. I know my parents tried – I did play sports and I vividly remember going on "treats on the weekend only" diets when I was young(I have opinions on this maybe I'll share another time), but I feel like I was destined to be the fat daughter, sister, friend. The pretty face girl (we all know the feeling).

Why now at 38 do I feel like I'm ready to screw with destiny and leave behind what has truly defined me? And I really hate to say that the number on the scale has defined me, but it has – it still does. Right now my identity (at work at least) is Linda – "who used to be really fat, but is now kind of hot". I'm not sure if there's one reason- I needed to be healthier, I want to be a better role model for my daughter, I want to know what it feels like to wake up one day and not have my weight be the first thing I think of. I want to stop being defined as a size.