BYOC!!!

1. Do you have any siblings? What is your relationship with them? Good, bad, ugly?
I have 1 brother and 2 sisters, they are 8,9,and 10 years older than me. The age difference was weird at times but at my age now it's not really an issue. I was very close to my brother when I was younger, but not now. We don't really talk unless we are at my parents - kind of sad, but it happens.
My sisters are an other story - I could write a novel about my relationships with them.  I am closer to one at times. My other sister has gotten very bitter and judge-y over the years. From the outside people would envy her life - she has 3 beautiful children, a good husband, is very wealthy, doesn't have to work, but she's just a miserable person. I've come to a point where I don't deal with her if I don't have to.

 2. Let’s talk pizza. Do you prefer homemade or restaurant? What toppings are your fave?

Both! We are actually making homemade pizza tonight. I have finally perfected the dough and we do it in the oven and on the grill. I love really good greasy NY style pizza too. And Chicago style. I love pizza although sometimes it's more trouble than it's worth to eat if my bands tight.

 3. When is the last time you cried – in sadness and in joy?
Well, I'm a crier the last few years. Hormones I guess.
The last time I cried in sadness was last month when I lost something.
The last time I cried in joy was when I took Cate to see the Muppets and she was singing the songs with me and I remembered doing watching with Muppets with my Dad  as kid. Just happy memories.


 4. Do you own a gun – one that is specifically yours? Do you know how to use it?

Nope - won't have one in the house.

 5. Repeat question. Summarize your week!
Busy!! Work is insane - I have been working OT this week to keep up and will next week too. I am doing very little weekend knowing I have a crazy week coming up. I have a girls weekend planned at the end of the week, so that's my big light at the end of the tunnel.

The bloom's off the rose

Hi everyone- no excuses for not blogging except that I am trying to figure out my place in this world lately. In 2 months it will be my 3 year bandiversary. I have accomplished a lot in 3 years. I have gained confidence and courage, made amazing friends, got and given support and inspiration and most importantly, I have lost over 100 pounds and kept it off.

 

Lately I can only focus on what I haven't accomplished. I never got to the arbitrary number on the scale that I picked as my goal. Should I feel less successful that I've never seen 160 on the scale? No, I mean what if I had picked 175 as my goal instead? Would the fact that I gotten there make my current circumstances any different? Would I be a happier person? Probably not. Then why does it bother me?

 

I guess because I always failed at losing weight, always gained it back and more, so until I see that number I'm still a failure. Conversely I think I have held myself back from reaching that goal because then the pressure would be on to maintain it. Then I really could fail…

 

God, are you seeing the weird recesses of my crazy mind now? I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. I won't let myself win, so how can I?

 

I am at that place that place, where the bloom has fallen off the rose. I am in no way unhappy with my band or regretting my decision to get the band, but now the easy part is over. I must count calories and diet if I ever want to see that magic number. And the thing is my drive is gone. When I lost 90+ pounds in one year it was because I was very focused on it, it truly dominated my thoughts and actions. Very few people can keep that intensity up forever, but that's not an excuse to let myself backslide into bad habits or weight gain.

 

I'm trying to reassess how to catch the spark again. I'd love to say I'd be at my goal by my bandiversary, but I decided I'd really want to put that out there yet (oops maybe I did).

 

Anyone else feeling this way lately or have felt it in the past and overcome it?