One Cup Only

Last week I toyed with the idea of doing the 5 day pouch test, but as I was looking at protein drinks over the weekend I had qualms about it – if anything I'm overfilled right now, so I'm not sure if I want to promote more restriction. What I want to do is focus on controlling my portion size, which I think is the real cause of my reflux issue.

 

So today I decided to start my own 3 day (that's how many days until my fill/unfill appointment) one cup only test. I got out my handy dandy one cup containers and I will only eat from these for meals. If I'm hungry in between, I'll have a small snack.

This morning I packed my breakfast, lunch and snacks (if needed). So far today I've done well and have been surprised by my restriction. I think I've been focusing so much on the reflux since my last fill, I never made the changes in portion size I needed to make. I know it sounds weird, like it would be natural to know I had restriction, but I just always assumed that I would have PB episodes and feel the urge to have to STOP. Nope, not me to this point I've never had a real PB (stuck feeling, yes, PB or vomiting, no). So now my job is to identify when I need to stop eating.

 

Here's what I've had so far today:

 

8:30AM: ½ cup of scrambled eggs (I only ate half of my container)

 

Water & Coffee

 

11:30AM – ½ a Zone bar

 

Water

 

1:30PM: working on my lunch of chicken & mashed potatoes and gravy (not sure how far I'll get)

 

So, I'm going to eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full – that's it. Right now I'm not going to worry about how long I stay full, I just want to identify fullness.

 

I don't know if I'll get any fill taken out at my appointment Thursday – part of me now just wants to wait it out with this fill. It's been a month since I got it and I've lost maybe 6-7 pounds in that time, so it should loosen up on it's own. I guess I'll see how strongly my NP feels about it.

 

Off the subject, I don't think I like my Christmas layout. What do you think?? It's a little busy for my taste, but the template I really liked wouldn't work. It took me forever fighting with Blogger so I'll leave it for now.

My Fun Upper GI

I got up early today to go get my upper GI. I did well at Thanksgiving - food wise. I had a few glasses of champagne, which I hadn't done since surgery - let me just say I was drunk for awhile. So when the alarm went off this morning all I wanted to do was drink a gallon of water and go back to sleep. Instead I got up and went to Advanced Radiology. When I got in there the assistant told me what would happen - I would drink some fizzy stuff then the barium. The radiologist came in and asked a few questions about the band, if it had slipped before or anything. He seemed nervous, which made me a little nervous, but I think he just was trying to figure out why I was there beyond reflux. He told the assistant to give me something instead barium and it meant I didn't drink the fizzy stuff either, but when she brought it over she whispered "you only have to drink this but it tastes worse" - oh yea!!!
I stood against the x-ray machine and they told me to take a big gulp of the stuff. I did and it took all my self control not to throw up - I mean it compared to the time I was 3 months pregnant and had to run out of a grocery store after I walked through the seafood department. I had to take 2 more sips and I took the smallest ones possible. After that, they said it went down fine and laid me down on the table to see if the liquid would come back up. Nothing did, but the radiologist said it was hard to catch it sometimes. He said the band and pouch looked fine(so relieved) and I watched the video of the liquid going through.

So after all this I have to wonder if this is it for me restriction wise. I certainly not as tight as some people and I don't stay full for 4-5 hours, but I might not. The band works differently for everyone so if this it I'll deal with it. I have come to a realization that I'm eating too much and I think instead of PB'ing like most normal bandsters, my stomach takes it but the food pushes back in my throat. So I have to start really watching my portions and eating solid proteins.I think I'm going to do the 5 day pouch test that Brooke is starting to see if it will help me with portion control. Plus I think a few days of liquids may give my pouch a rest.

Now all this is just my theory, I have an appointment with my NP on Thursday and she'll look at the films from my GI and we'll see if she recommends an unfill.

After my upper GI was done I went to Target - I do not know why because I was not doing Black Friday shopping but I bought a new camera and some other stuff we didn't need. I also went to Old Navy to get a pair of jeans because they were $15.00 - I got 16's because my 18's are getting loose, but the 16's are too tight to wear out of the house(or in the house). I couldn't pass them up at half price though. I am such a sucker.

I hope everyone has a good weekend!!

Be Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone (in the US)!!!

I am up making the turkey and stuffing - the house smells so good. I am of course thankful for my family and friends and good life that I have been blessed with.I am also thankful for this great blogging community that has helped me be successful this year. I hope everyone has a great day. Or happy Thursday to my international friends.

Eat turkey it's good protein!


xxxxLinda

Some Answers For Linda O

Linda- It's totally natural to be a little freaked out right before everything kicks into high gear. There are so many doubts and I couldn't help thinking that this was so extreme, but I knew I wanted to get healthy, so I did it.

Here are my answers to your quiz:

1. ANY REGRETS? Are you happy with your decision and would you do it again?                             No regrets so far (maybe not doing it earlier). I would do it again, I'm struggling with some issues since my last fill, but I don't think they are major.
   
2. ARE YOU SORRY, YOU DIDN'T GIVE TRADITIONAL DIETING ONE MORE TRY?             I gave it so many tries- I don't think one more would have helped. The thing I like about the way I'm living now is that I don't feel like I'm on a diet. If I want something I eat a little and I try not to beat myself up. I know some people are more strict, but this works for me.
   
3. WHAT IS THE WORST THING ABOUT HAVING THE BAND?                                          Right now this reflux - but it's not as bad as when I was pregnant. Having to think about how quickly I'm eating or is it time to drink yet is tough some times.
   
4. WHAT IS THE BEST THING ABOUT HAVING THE BAND?                                            Feeling like I have control and losing the weight
   
5. On a scale of 1 to 10 HOW HARD WAS/IS IT PSYCHOLOGICALLY TO GET OVER THE FACT THAT YOU CAN'T EAT THE SAME WAY ANYMORE?                                                 3 - I'm lucky and haven't had a lot of PB episodes and don't have a lot of "off limit" foods.
   
6. HAS BEING BANDED MADE YOUR PERSONALITY CHANGE? For the better or worse?         I don't think so - I have a little more confidence, so I'm sure that does affect me.
   
7. Are you still able to party a little? (I am a wine drinker...can't imagine giving it up completely) and are you a party pooper now cause you can't party as much?                                                             I am a wine drinker - it doesn't take much to get me tipsy(but that was preband too), but I still drink
   
8. HOW MUCH HAPPIER ARE YOU WITH YOUR BODY? I am wondering what I will look like 50-80 lbs thinner. I am 47 and will have a "lose skin" issue.                                                              I'm getting happy - I'm about 50 pounds down since the band, but 68 pounds down from June 2008. I know I'm going to have skin issue on my arms and stomach, but is that worse than fat??
   
9. HAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS CHANGED? Spouses? Family? Friends? Strangers?                                                                                                                                      No, not really. I'm more affectionate with my husband so that's good, other relationships are the same. My best friend had RNY about 2 years ago so we've struggled with weight together. I am starting to get "noticed" a little more - which brings up a lot of issues for me(that may need to be a another post).
   
10. DO YOU FEEL LIKE THE SAME PERSON OR COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NOW THAT YOU HAVE LOST WEIGHT?                                                                                                         I feel the same - I still have a lot to lose so I still feel fat (I may always). I do have more confidence in some areas, but I'm still me.
    

You'll do great!! This support system has been a life saver for me, so make sure you BLOG!!!

xxxxLinda

Jump to Conclusions - My favorite game

It's only natural to jump to conclusions - I firmly believe that. But have you noticed that this handy thing we call the internet makes the jumping so much more dramatic? I think I mentioned that I'd been fighting this weird reflux thing I have since my last fill. Well, it's gotten worse and my mind (with the help of numerous lap-band forums ) has has decided that I must have a slipped band or stretched pouch or SOMETHING BAD. I finally broke down and called my NP today- she didn't freak out, but we both agreed that an upper GI is in order. I'm going Friday morning then I have an appointment with her on the 3rd. I'm nervous about what will come of it - I think best case scenario is that I might have to get some fill taken out, worst case would be, well any of the above. I've never had an upper GI - so tell me how bad is it?? I know a lot of people get them pre-op.

In more uplifting news, I'm three pounds away from my Thanksgiving goal - I hope I make it. I decided to do the calculations and figure out what my average weight loss has been per week up to this point. It's 1.88 pounds!!! That's pretty awesome, so really no complaining allowed on that front right now.

Sicko

I haven't posted much lately, I have been dealing with some health stuff. I have been fighting with a sinus infection/cold that has been holding on since early October. After getting antibiotics about a month ago I still had a horrible cough that I couldn't get rid of. I finally went back to my Dr. last week and she diagnosed me with bronchitis - at first she thought I may have pneumonia, but thank goodness I don't. The thing is the whole time I've felt OK, I mean I got up and went to work everyday and functioned, but I feel silly now for letting it go for so long.
The other thing I am dealing with is my last fill. It didn't a lot for me restriction wise, but it made this weird reflux thing I have act up. After my first fill, my tonsils got sore and swollen. For awhile I thought it was a cold, but eventually we decided it was reflux and I was put on Protonix. My NP said that I may need to always be on it and that was no big deal and I never had an issue again until this last fill. Of course this coming back has made me nervous because if I can't control it with the medicine I may not be able to get my band tighter - which I need. I'm still not sure also how much my constant coughing has contributed to the flair up. It's been better this week so I'm hoping that's a sign that my cough was contributing to it. I had another fill scheduled for Thursday, but I rescheduled it for December 10th - which seems like a long way away, but hopefully I'll be feeling normal again by then.
On a happier front, I went on a desperate search for work pants last weekend and found an awesome pair at the Gap - Curvy 18's(yea). Not as sexy as Cara's blue dress, but I'm getting pretty sloppy looking at work so I was excited.

Did you notice??

OK, I've been so obsessed with reaching 50 pounds down, I just noticed that my BMI is in the 30's now!! I remember my surgeon didn't want to do lap band on me because my BMI was 49 at my consult in September '08. I needed a little pick me up this week and I don't think fifty will come for a week or two, so thank you little weight ticker.

The little rain cloud...

Today is an Eeyore day - my husband calls me that because I have a tendency to get a little down sometimes. For whatever reason something set me off this morning and I spiraled down the rest of the work day. One of my first emails this morning was from the other three women in my work group having turned in all their freakin vacation requests for NEXT YEAR. Do you guys have ALL your vacations planned for next year? WTF?They know Cate starts school next fall and I'll have to adjust my requests accordingly - but there they go requesting every single holiday known to man off. Of course my first reaction is I need a new job. I have said that since the day I started and this month is my 4th anniversary there. How did this happen???
Long story short, after Cate was born I gave up a job I loved in the food industry because it was too demanding with a child - I wanted to see her sometimes. So I took a boring desk job to give me a regular Monday - Friday schedule. I miss having a job that makes me happy. One hope I have is that next year when I get some weight off I will feel more confident to go out and interview again. I know being fat wouldn't stop some people from getting a new job, but know I have been discriminated against in the past and I need more confidence.

I hate when I let people that I don't even like affect my mood, but I do - too much when work is concerned. I am going to do some yoga tonight and see if I can get rid of my rain cloud.

Thanks for listening! Love you guys!!

OK - I did it too...

A-
Age: 38
Annoyance: People who talk too much
Animal: Dog and Ligor
Actor: George Clooney

B
Beer: Magic Hat #9
Birthday/Birthplace: October 12^th – West Bend, WI
Body Part on opposite sex: Butt
Been in Love: Yes - still
Been bitched at: Yes
Believe in yourself?: Sometimes
Believe in God: Yes
Before weight: 293 Highest ever, 279 at surgery

C
Car: Silver Honda CR-V
Candy: M&M’s
Color: to wear –wine/burgundy

Cried in school: no, at home
Chocolate/Vanilla: Chocolate
Chinese/Mexican: Both
Cake or pie: Cake
Country to visit: Favorite I’ve visited: Ireland, Want to Visit: Italy

D
Day or Night: Night
Do the splits?: Back in the day

E
Eggs: omelet or poached
Eyes: Brown

F
First crush: Michael Feminello (grade school)
First thoughts waking up: Oh shit – it’s 6!
Food: I was a chef, I had bariatric surgery– it is an intense relationship

G
Greatest Fear: Losing my daughter/husband
Goals: To raise a happy, healthy daughter
Get along with your parents?: Yes, they are the best
Good luck charm:?

H
Hair Color: Dark Brown
Height: 5'4
Happy: Most of the time
Holiday: Christmas – I start listening to Christmas music at Thanksgiving
Health freak?: Nope – just want to be healthy
Hate: small minded people

I
Ice Cream: yes please, best ever was Hagen Daz German Chocolate cake
Instrument: none  - I always wanted to play the piano

J
Jewelry: Very classic- Tiffany pearls, my wedding set are staples
Job: Training Coordinator

K
Kids: 1 daughter – Cate, would like to have another
Kickboxing or karate: no
Keep a journal? Just my blog

L
Longest Car Ride: Annual trips to from NC to Iowa as a child
Love: I’m surrounded by love
Laughed so hard you cried: Yes, it comes on in fits
Love at first sight: Not sure if that’s real

M
Milk flavor: Chocolate I guess
Movie: The Sound of Music, Four Weddings and a Funeral
Mooned anyone?: No
Marriage: 9 years and counting( been together for 15)
Motion sickness? No

McD’s or BK: BK for burgers, McD’s for fries

N
Number of Siblings: 2 sisters, 1 brother  - I’m the baby by 8 years
Number of Piercings: 1 in each ear
Number: 26

O
One wish: My family to be happy

P
Place you’d like to live: London
Perfect Pizza: Cheese New York style
Pepsi/Coke: Diet Coke

Q
Questionaires: sometimes

R
Reason to cry: anything can set me off on the right day
Reality T.V.: Top Chef, Project Runway, Amazing Race, Biggest Loser
Roll your tongue in a circle? Yes

S
Song: I could never pick one
Shoe size: 8 1/2
Salad Dressing: Annie’s Goddess Dressing
Skipped school: Yes
Smoking: Never
Sing well?: Yes – used to sing as a kid
Strawberries/Blueberries: Strawberries


T
Time for bed: In bed by 11
Thunderstorms: I love Summer storms
TV: I love TV

U
Unpredictable: I would like to be more unpredictable

V
Vegetable you hate: cabbage
Vegetable you love: green beans
Vacation spot: Martha’s Vineyard

W
Weakness: food
When you grow up: I want to own my own bakery
Which one of your friends acts the most like you: Bridgett
Wanted to be a model?: yes, a 90’s glamazon

X
X-Rays: I’ve had a few

Y
Year it is now: 2009
Yellow: I won’t wear it

Z
Zoo: I love the National Zoo in D.C.
Zodiac sign: Libra

New Jeans, New Fill

First off - HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARA!!! I know it's probably over for you but it's still the 5th here (I'm not going to do the time zone math).You are looking great!
I broke down and bought a new pair of jeans - I was going to try to avoid 18's and have the next pair I got be 16's, but a friend told me last week the 20's had to go. I really wanted to go get some of the beautiful new ones they had at the Gap, but I'm on a budget so I went for Old Navy instead. I got 18 Sweetheart boot cut. They had a lot of styles, I thought these were the best on me. They may be a little tight now (but they may just feel that way b/c the 20's were so big). These are so not the best pictures, but it was early this morning before my fill appointment.

On to the fill - I got .38 cc's (total of 9.63)she was afraid to give me .50. We'll see how it goes. I had lost 6 pound since my last fill (exactly a month ago). My NP was really happy with that. One thing she really stressed to me this visit was how well I am doing. At one point she said you don't seem happy - I said am happy with the results, but I still don't feel like I have the restriction others have. She just looked at me and said I see lapband patients all day and believe me you are way above average in loss. Then she said really you have no idea how many failed patients I see.
It made start to think about why I have been doing well and I know having this community is a huge part of it.Do you all feel that way ? I know I've said it before, but I really want to thank everyone for their great blogs and for leaving comments on mine. It has a huge impact on my journey so far.

We'll see what happens with this fill-I'm hoping to hit my sweet spot. I may join the cult of procrastination and do the survey later. :)

The Biggest Loser Challenge and a Surprise!

I hope everyone had a good Halloween- I am ready to get the candy out of the house! We moved into a new development last year and it's still not quite finished. So I have over bought candy two years in a row. Next year one bag and when it's gone it's gone.Tinkerbell had a good time though.
So I decided to join the Biggest Loser Holiday Challenge on The formerly a fat girl's blog. I'm thinking it will help keep me in line. Any experienced bandsters want to give some holiday success tips?
Anyway when I went to weigh in this morning and take my scale picture - I was at 239.4. That's finally my 40 pound mark!!!! I'm so excited! I know I'm a slower loser and I will admit a get a little down when I read some of your blogs and it sounds like the weight is pouring off (I KNOW it's not), but I feel like I've done well on my own terms. Up to this point I've eaten what I've wanted and not felt deprived and I'm just now starting to seriously exercise, so when I think about it in those terms I'm doing great.
The last time I lost 40+ pounds I was 26 and did Medifast for 5 months. I was deprived - I lost 60 pounds, but was deprived and went crazy binging afterward. I can not do that anymore, time to make friends with food - all food.

Hope everyone's Sunday is great. Can you believe it's November?!?