Hi everyone- no excuses for not blogging except that I am trying to figure out my place in this world lately. In 2 months it will be my 3 year bandiversary. I have accomplished a lot in 3 years. I have gained confidence and courage, made amazing friends, got and given support and inspiration and most importantly, I have lost over 100 pounds and kept it off.
Lately I can only focus on what I haven't accomplished. I never got to the arbitrary number on the scale that I picked as my goal. Should I feel less successful that I've never seen 160 on the scale? No, I mean what if I had picked 175 as my goal instead? Would the fact that I gotten there make my current circumstances any different? Would I be a happier person? Probably not. Then why does it bother me?
I guess because I always failed at losing weight, always gained it back and more, so until I see that number I'm still a failure. Conversely I think I have held myself back from reaching that goal because then the pressure would be on to maintain it. Then I really could fail…
God, are you seeing the weird recesses of my crazy mind now? I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. I won't let myself win, so how can I?
I am at that place that place, where the bloom has fallen off the rose. I am in no way unhappy with my band or regretting my decision to get the band, but now the easy part is over. I must count calories and diet if I ever want to see that magic number. And the thing is my drive is gone. When I lost 90+ pounds in one year it was because I was very focused on it, it truly dominated my thoughts and actions. Very few people can keep that intensity up forever, but that's not an excuse to let myself backslide into bad habits or weight gain.
I'm trying to reassess how to catch the spark again. I'd love to say I'd be at my goal by my bandiversary, but I decided I'd really want to put that out there yet (oops maybe I did).
Anyone else feeling this way lately or have felt it in the past and overcome it?
7 comments:
Oh honey you know I do. Can I just ctrl+C and ctrl+P this to my own blog?
Wondertwin power, form of a spark plug!
Lattes....right?
Love you!
*ctrl+V* Duh.
We'll talk. I'm in the same place. I am going for one last hurrah in May. My last 9 pounds. It isn't over. Not yet. We still have a lot of years left.
I'm with you here for sure! You're in my head!!!
You're SO not alone in this boat and don't let a number dictate who you are and how you feel. Those numbers controlled us for too long, so now it is your time to celebrate the fact you have LOST and KEPT OFF over 100 lbs. You are a true rockstar in my book!
Snow White, you're my hero :)
Well heck missy :) I went to that arbitrary number and now I'm bouncing up up up up...it is a life time thing not a one two or even three year thing. Do it when you are ready and you can do it again if it slides. (and if I say that loudly enough maybe I will actually hear it in my own head :))
xxxooo
You are a total success in my book. :)
Post a Comment